Kiddos

Max's 1st Birthday
In Stitches

25 Things: Max

The Kids:
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And the crowning jewel in our family crown....Max! He is a blessing and a gift. So, if you have not heard the story....here it is:

About this time one year ago I had a strong feeling that there was one more child intended for our family. At the time we had our Kiley, Livy, and two foster girls. We were not looking for a fifth kiddo. But I had the "feeling" that there was one out there. I expressed these feelings to Adam and needless to say, he did not feel same as I. In fact, I think his words were "If there is supposed to be another child for us, God is going to have to send me a big sign." And let it be said that even if there were another kid. Adam was not interested in a boy...at all. So.....

One Friday the 13th morning I get a call from our licensing worker (the person that mediates foster licenses for CPS). She said to me that she knew that we were not looking to foster another child, but she had a strong feeling to call me about a newborn boy that just came into care. I said a silent prayer and had the strong feeling to say yes.

About an hour before I was to pick Max up I called Adam and broke the good news. His response: This is your project and I'm not changing any diapers

I brought Max home that afternoon and thus began the adventure. Come to find out after we had Max for a couple of weeks, that Max was very much exposed to drugs during the entire pregnancy and was the newest addition to 7 other siblings. All were drug exposed and all were adopted by their foster families. The CPS case worker let us know that if we were interested in adopting, we could keep Max. Ummm, there it was. The answer to my prayers and the end result of my intuition. Adam was still not so convinced.

After about two months of detoxing and getting comfy in his own skin. Max calmed down and was not crying every waking moment. I think it was at about that time Adam started making comments like "He's not so bad" and "ya, know. I kinda like this little squish" It just got better from there.

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Monkey Foot. Yep, that is the nickname for our little Olivia (Livy). Monkey Foot. Don't ask, but just know that she liked it and lived up to it. She now referrs to herself as "Livy Princess Nicholes". She is very concerned that she looks pretty and her hair looks great (which it usually does because I am awsome at doing her hair.....just sayin').

Livy came to us when she was 21 months old. When she was dropped off at our house she went straight to the dog dish and started eating dog food. Her ONLY word was "puppy." She refused/didn't understand how to feed herself. She sat for three days at the table with food in front of her and wouldn't eat. Finally, I think she saw Kiley doing it, and ate with her fingers. I did notice that when we went to Walmart she recognized the golden arches. She apparently did not have to feed herself the glorious manna from the arches. She also was still on a bottle, which; if you know me you know that I am very much against a bottle past the age of one.

In the early days of Livy's life, she was neglected by her mother. She received her love and nurture from her 12 yr old brother. Soooo, fast forward to her new life with us: Livy is a Daddy's girl and crazy about boys. She doesn't have much need for me and actually ignored me in the beginning. After much effort on my part and LOTS of counseling, she is much better and we have a pretty good bond. She is still a daddy's girl and loves the boys, but at least she will willingly come sit with me.

Oh, Livy is a stubborn little spit fire. Most people see this cute, sweet, smart, little girl. And she is all of those things. However, little miss has a pretty good stubborn side to her. She likes things
"just so." She also thinks that she knows better that her other siblings and very often, better than her dad. But never better than me. She has a healthy "respect" for me and would never show her stubborness and contridict me. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but at least I don't ever have to go head to head with her.......she would loose.

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Kiley is the older by 5 weeks. She does not hesitate to remind Livy that she is the older one. Kiley has a lot of personality. That is the nice way of putting it. She is dang cute and says some of the funniest things. However; she drives me crazy more than any of the other kids.
Kiley came to us just 5 months after we started doing foster care. She was 3 months old and she came with a 15 mo old sister. After just 3 months, her sister was sent to live with her dad. At such an early age, it was clear that something was not right with Kiley. She acted more like a 3 day old and not a 3 month old. We soon learned that she was usually left alone in a crib and was not fed as often as she should have been. She quailfied for Developmental Delay services and had those services for the next three years.

Due to not being fed enough and not being held and nurtured enough, Kiley seems to have eating issues. We think that she relates food with comfort and nurturing. The only time she was given love was the few times she was fed. Fast forward thru her life and she has developed a strong love and connection with food. She loves all food and can never get enough. This has been one of my biggest trials with her. It is something that she talks about constantly. As soon as she is done with one meal, she will push her plate away and ask what is for snack time or what is for the next meal. I am still trying to figure out how to best deal with all of this without causing more damage to her.
Kiley is my funniest child. She is a master of manipulation, but she does it with the experience and thot process of a 4 year old. This equals funny. For example: I have resorted to telling Kiley that if she asks for food she will loose her treats for the day. Hearing her ask 20+ times a day has worn on me. This is how she trys to get around that rule. Kiley: Mommy I'm not going to ask you for that candy that I really want. Ok mommy, I'm not asking for it. But I really want it. Ummm, really!!?? What do you do with that kind of logic! She drives me crazy and most of the time I'm laughing.
Did you grow up watching other people parent their kids and make all kinds of decisions on how you were going to parent when your own kids came along? I know that I had it all figured out. Seeing as how I didn't have kids until I was well into my 30's. I thot I knew exactly how I would deal with all situations and how I would be so much better at parenting than all of these other parents that couldn't seem to control a kid half their size and more that that their age.

Life likes this sort of thinking. Life takes pleasure in proving you wrong.
Kiley has been my one kid that I can't seem to figure out on what to do with the stuff she tosses my way. Here is my big issue. She doesn't seem to have much ability to retain information or focus. She has been in preschool for months and still can't recognize one letter or number, come anywhere close to writing her name, answer any question on what was just taught, or repeat back any memorized information (such as a simple prayer or the pledge of allegiance). I fear that the early neglect in her life is having some long term effects. I know that I am going to just have to practice lots of patience and keep trying to help her move forward. All frustration aside.